I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
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I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.