Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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