There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed