You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt