Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.