remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑