So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
