@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
me + whiskey = a bad person
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
