once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
