Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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