The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
