I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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