No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
