margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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