im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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