On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
