I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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