Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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