if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
