Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Randomize
