I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
