Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
