I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
