2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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