How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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