How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
