I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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