i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
