bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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