So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I know her cup size but not her name....
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
