My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
