Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
