I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
