I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
