i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
