Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
look no pants
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
