We won't sleep together?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
