i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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