I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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