Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
