i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
