Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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