I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
