ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
