I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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