i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
