That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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