Where is the hickey?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
