i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
