I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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