i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
third nipple confirmed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
