I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
