Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I pour the whiskey from now on
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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