u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize
