I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
