So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
