toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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