Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
