Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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