mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
