Just fell off a train. Bad.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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