5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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