Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
