dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Ketchup is God's man juice
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
