You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
