How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
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