You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
