i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
