Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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