I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
