You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
