my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
