Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
