theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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