I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
