he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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