I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
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