Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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