U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
