It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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