If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
